We become adults the day we realise they don’t exist, not in the sense of juvenile rebellion, or in the sense of simply having the thought, but rather when we feel it deeply in our bones for the first time. The moment when we realise that none of the adults in our childhoods could actually see the bigger picture, that they still can’t, and that we too will never finish the puzzle that is existence, is the moment we learn to release the very concept of authority from our minds and souls. I have thought about this for some time, but it only recently clicked into place deep enough as to feel real, and it has brought a sense of ease that was always lacking before.
Learning to see others as true equals washes away any lingering frustration for their actions, for how could one hold anything against those who are still learning to be whole? They are stuck in power structures and systems of control without a map of the maze or awareness of the futility that is dominion over others. Equanimity and detachment replace both animosity and capitulation, and in the absence of both resistance and attachment to authority, we come to view both our cherished and hated adults as neither superior nor inferior, as neither adult nor child, but rather exactly what they are and always have been: People, half-baked, like everyone else, and just as unsure of the great unknown. A few are trying to figure everything out, many have their heads buried in the sand, and some are just happy to be alive. When we see them for who they are, all lose their power, and all start being something closer to peers. All this to say, we become adults the day we realise there were never any adults above or below us to begin with. We are, and always will be, equals.
With all that being said, there do still appear to be varying degrees of cognitive development across humanity, and it would be foolish to ignore the benefits of experience, but there are many so-called adults who behave worse than the youth. In the same species that kills its own on ideological grounds we find those who donate their entire corpus of wealth to charity. We can look at any page of history and find vicious murderers within reach of pure saints; cruel abusers not far from caring, selfless healers; greedy thieves in range of selfless donors; and manipulative despots within striking distance of noble leaders. How can this be? We may disagree on the exact details of what counts as right and wrong, but we likely both hold some actions to be more defensible than others, so tell me, how can a species with such propensity for kindness contain so much potential for harm, or perhaps more on topic, how can we make sense of a world where the socalled adults commit horrible atrocities every second of every day?
I have no final answer to that question yet, but it begins to make sense once we stop assessing people based on their age and start understanding them based on their outward and inward behaviours. Look hard enough with detached analysis, and a pattern will emerge across time: It’s fairly universal to begin life by avoiding pain and moving towards pleasure, and most shortly learn some degree of politeness to balance their needs with the needs of others; and virtually everyone beyond infancy eventually learns of the law, the written contract, and etiquette, the social one; yet, only a few ask the deep questions and search for meaning beyond the walls of humanity. There appears to be a general progression of consideration of morality in humans which begins with solitary greed, moves through social harmony, then finally departs for solitary contemplation of abstract good.
Beyond society, in the place where human expectations have fallen by the wayside, we find true understanding and maturity. It does not require disdain or hostility towards those who retain society as their source of moral truth, nor does it require absolute and unending solitude, quite the opposite on both counts: If we can come to view society as a necessary and beautiful part of humanity, and continue to gracefully respect the needs and boundaries of others, while detaching from their ideas and making space for uninhibited contemplation of personal truths, we can finally reach the freedom to live the examined life while connecting meaningfully with others. Only when we accept and respect others, but choose to explore on our own, can we find worthwhile and lasting meaning.
Unfortunately, if we go far enough into solitude to pursue such understanding, we will inevitably find conflict with those who have stopped asking questions and started dictating answers: The ones who cling to certainty, and will do anything to ensure everyone holds their version of the truth supreme. They will forever be at odds with everyone else, for it’s their nature to be in conflict, and they know no better way than hurting those who disagree. It’s the tragic fate for all who have lost their curiosity, and sadly, extinguishing the curiosity of others is their drive. What they require, and desire, is universal and absolute agreement with their dogmatic version of truth, and they will do whatever they can to make it so, including violence. Unfortunately for them, the truth is as vast as it is confusing, and we will likely never agree on the hard questions entirely, so their war is not one that can be won, and they are destined for failure. Such zealotry is not conducive to curious inquiry in the meantime though, so what are we to do about it?
The answer requires understanding what drives such behaviours. When people wilfully force their answers on others and hurt those who cannot accept their version of the truth, they do so all for the purpose of maintaining the illusion of order in a chaotic universe and avoiding painful truths. It would be straightforward to categorise such people as threats and meet them with conflict, but there is another way that does not require casting them out of humanity and labelling them as the other. When I see individuals pursuing zealotry, I see fear, delusion, and pain, and as with all hurting people, what they need is care and compassion, not judgement or hatred, for they are still people and no one is beyond rehabilitation. We must understand the zealot in order to transcend and overcome them.
In time, those with fixed views may learn to grow beyond their limitations and self-imposed restrictions, to find the joy of curiosity and connection, and to put down their malice, but only if they are shown kindness. Anything less will simply drive them further into zealotry and propagate the damage to yet another generation. Altruism aside though, an unfortunate barrier lingers, for some such people have weapons, the will to use them against those they find objectionable, and no real sense of right and wrong. Ironic how those with the most power are usually those who deserve it the least, but there is nothing to fear.
Fortunately, those of us who choose to think and feel without inhibition have a tool more powerful than any weapon: A free mind. It cannot stop bullets and it cannot bring back the dead, but with forethought we can anticipate and mitigate the caustic effects of zealotry before they occur. In time the calcified souls that cling to their singular truths and sacred idols would come for all who disagree, and they may hurt many before they cease their assault on curiosity, but they are as predictable as they are certain, and to a mind set free, they can be circumvented. Flexible souls who can accommodate change at will are always one step ahead, for those who value seeking truth over forcing truth do not require the permission of others to explore ahead, no, they simply think without limits, feel without prejudice, and wonder without end.
It may seem we have digressed a little from our original topics, of what causes humans to behave with both kindness and cruelty, and of the dissolution of authority, but the conflict between zealotry and free thought is central to the mystery of why authority lingers. The immediate and collateral damage from such conflicts is that which holds back progress and prevents us from creating a world where all minds can grow and flourish uninhibited. In peace the free mind flourishes, and in conflict it suffers greatly, to the degree that extreme zealotry creates the conditions for its own prosperity. So, if we want to enter a world where all are equal, if we wish to become our true selves and set our minds free of groupthink and personal bias, and if we seek lasting peace between all people, then we must simply ask ourselves: What have we not considered, what are we missing, and what are we ignoring? Ultimately, only the willingness to ask such questions in earnest is the source of all maturity, and it is a responsibility we all must share.